My Heart Cries
by thesoundofmeaning
Summary: 4x14 Semi-Spoilerific. Rachel takes Brody to Mr. Schuester and Emma's wedding. When they leave together, Finn can't stand it. Puck and his other friends try to make him feel better, but Finn knows that only Rachel has the ability to do that.


The wedding had ended an hour ago and Rachel had left with _him _right away. Finn couldn't understand what she saw in the guy. Aside from the fact that he has like less than 3% body fat, he's a total loser. When he speaks every word that comes out of his mouth is dripping with disdain and condescension. He also has a little fake accent that seems to peak through at times. Finn wasn't sure if he was doing that to impress Rachel or if he just spoke like a total moron. Then there's the way half of his face is permanently curled up in a smile or grin while the other side just kinda stays unmoving. It totally makes his entire face look lop-sided. Maybe it's a metaphor for his split-personality, how part of him is actually completely evil. Finn wasn't exactly sure what a metaphor was, but he thought that could work. It didn't even matter right now. All that mattered right now was that he _could not stop _picturing them together. They had left before everyone else and the asshole had made some comment about a hotel room. He was practically flaunting it in Finn's face. Rachel had seemed uncomfortable about it and tried to shut him up before he kept blabbering on and made Finn feel even worse. Her nervousness made Finn feel even worse than the mention of the hotel room that was waiting for them.

"C'mon man, you gotta lighten up about this. So what she's got a new dude? Whatever. There are _plenty _of fish in this sea and it's time you got out there with your rod, pun completely intended, and picked some up," Puck said to Finn after he had finished a completely one-sided conversation about "getting it on in the bathroom with one of the hot members of the ginger clan" that Finn paid no attention to.

"It's not that easy, Puck. How would you feel if Quinn came around here with some Abercrombie model and he was a huge dick? And then to top it all off he mentions that they're off to some hotel room as they're leaving so that you're left to _imagine all of the things that they're doing there_." Finn said the last few words through gritted teeth as image after image continued flowing through his mind.

"How would I feel? I'd be pissed, dude. But I'd still suck it up and move on and find a new chick to occupy my time. If she's gonna be off with that guy doing _whatever,_ then why would you sit here thinking about it? Why wouldn't you go find some hottie to take to your own hotel room? Now _that _is what Noah Puckerman would do," Puck said, a completely satisfied grin taking over his entire face.

"What is what Noah Puckerman would do?" Santana asked as she, Mercedes, Kurt and Blaine walked into the room that he and Finn were still in. Pretty much everyone had left the wedding by now but the former glee club members (and Blaine) had all stuck around to hang out some more before having to say goodbye again. It wasn't often that they all got to be together and they all really wanted to take advantage of the time.

"Get laid is what I'd do. Mr. Sadsack over here is whining and pouting and crying because his girlfriend ran off with some other dude and is probably getting it on in their hotel room right now while he's sitting here thinking about it," Puck filled them in.

"Brody?" Kurt asked quietly, sympathizing deeply with his brother. After everything that had happened between him and Blaine, he knew exactly what it was like to sit picturing things over and over until they completely consumed you and made you feel empty and numb. He hated that Finn was doing this to himself. There was no way Rachel and Brody were going to last anyway. Sure, the guy was absolutely _dreamy_, but there was something about his personality that just rubbed Kurt the wrong way. He couldn't quite place what it was, but something was off. Maybe it was because deep down, there was no one else Kurt wanted for Rachel but his brother.

"Yeah. _BRODY," _Finn spat the name back out, fuming. "I mean, what the _fuck _does she even _see _in that guy, Kurt? If you know could you please tell me, because I just don't get it." He looked at Kurt expectantly, hoping that Kurt did, in fact, know something he didn't. Hoping that Kurt would say something that would help him make sense of all of this. Kurt just dropped his head, shaking it slowly back and forth. He had no answer. He didn't have any secret information about the two to help him understand. This frustrated Finn even more. "You _live _with her and you can't even explain it. I mean, how the _hell _does she go from being engaged to me to screwing around with _that guy!" _Finn was practically screaming at this point and his friends didn't know what to do to comfort him. Everyone stayed still, not wanting to move close and have him completely explode on them.

"Look, man," Puck began calmly, "if you keep going like this you're gonna make yourself lose it. The jealousy is gonna drive you insane. You have to think of it this way: if she wants to run around New York City acting like some little superstar and screwing whatever guy walks past her with a six pack and a tap-dancing ability then _just. let. her. _Who _knows _what she sees in the guy? Who even fucking cares, dude? Let her do what she wants, forget about her, and go and do what you want. If you don't, I swear, dude, you're gonna go nuts." Then he looked at Santana and said simply, "Help me show this guy what it's like to not give a shit. If anyone else here is up for using and losing 'em it's definitely you."

"What the hell do you expect me to do, Puckerman? Sex you up on the middle of the table so he can watch and take notes? Ain't gon' happen," She bit back at him.

"No, I wasn't expecting to show him with _actual sex_. I was expecting to show him by dancing with you as if we were _having sex. _As if we didn't give a shit about anything else but each other no matter who we dig at the time and what they may or may not be doing with other people. You game?" Puck asked.

"Yeah. I suppose I can get my dance on for a bit if it'll mean that puff-pastry nipples over there stops crying in his champagne glass," Santana replied quickly, getting up from the chair she had sat down in and walking toward Puck. He grabbed her and immediately pulled her into his body, sealing them together with no room to spare.

"Can we get some music?" Puck asked the DJ who looked confused as to why they were still there, let alone requesting songs to dance to. Regardless, he obliged, and a tango-sounding song started playing. Puck didn't know what it was, but Kurt looked awfully excited so he asked him what it was.

"It's the Roxanne tango from "Moulin Rouge". If you're looking for a song about sex, this is it," Kurt answered him.

"Roxanne, as in the Sting song?" Puck asked him, curiously. It sounded nothing like the original song. It was so orchestrated and theatrical.

"Yeah, only it's a different arrangement. Trust me, it's fabulous," Kurt reassured him.

Puck and Santanta started dancing. His hands trailed up and down her entire body, his fingers running rampant and feeling for whatever he pleased without so much as a second thought. They caressed her sides and trailed over her breasts. They cupped her neck and smoothed over her face. There wasn't a single inch of her body that his hands weren't all over. She responded enthusiastically, pressing closer to him and wrapping her arms and legs around every part of his body that they'd fit. Puck was screaming things to Finn as they moved together, trying to rationalize with him and make a point. All Finn could do was see Rachel and Brody as close together as Puck and Santana were right now, only naked in a hotel room. When the lyrics started playing above the violin/orchestra arrangement, Puck started singing.

_Roxanne _

_You don't have to put on that red light _

_Walk the streets for money_

_You don't care if its wrong or if it's right _

_Roxanne_

_You don't have to wear that dress tonight _

_Roxanne _

_You don't have to sell your body to the night _

"Are you getting this, dude?" Puck paused from singing for a minute to scream at Finn again, hoping he was getting through. But Finn was standing, completely distracted. All he could see was that _guy's hands all over Rachel,_ and Puck was right, it was driving him fucking insane. Now he was singing, quietly, without even registering that he knew this song well enough to sing along to it. It must've been all the times Kurt had forced him to watch it after family dinner on Friday nights.

_**His eyes upon your face **_

_**His hand upon your hand**_

_**His lips caress your skin**_

_**It's more than I can stand! **_

As he sang, he was imagining all of those things. Brody staring at Rachel hungrily as she undressed for him, then making eye contact once they were both fully undressed and ready to- he couldn't even finish the thought. Brody touching her body, his fingers roaming over her skin the same way that Puck's had been all over Santana's. Brody kissing her, on the lips, sucking on her neck, trailing down to her breasts and even further south until- he couldn't finish that thought either. They were together right now and he was touching and feeling and tasting all of the things that he used to. Picturing all of it, knowing it was all real and probably happening right that second, made him feel like he could vomit. Puck was still singing behind him, but he had long forgotten about that. Then Puck was screaming after him asking where he was going, he could register that much, but he was walking out of the room and out the door, his feet leading him even though his mind hadn't caught up to know where they were leading to.

_Roxanne _

_**Why does my heart cry **_

_Roxanne _

_**Feelings I can't fight **_

_**You're free to leave me but just don't deceive me**_

_**And please believe me when I say **_

_**I love you **_

Finn was walking and walking, he didn't even know where he was going, the images he had previously envisioned were burned into his brain and into his vision and he saw nothing else. He saw nothing around him as he walked. He was blind with jealousy and fury and hatred. Before he knew it, he wound up several blocks from the wedding hall and in front of the hotel that Mr. Schue and Emma would be staying at for their wedding night. He realized, with a gut-sinking feeling inside him, that this was most likely the hotel that Rachel was going to be staying at with _him._ Where else would they stay in the middle of nowhere? They'd obviously choose the hotel a few blocks down from where the wedding was held. He could barely stand the thought.

And Finn was right, Rachel and Brody_ were_ inside that very hotel, but it wasn't happening quite the way he had imagined. In fact, they had begun to fool around a little bit and all Rachel could see every time she closed her eyes was Finn's face swimming in her brain. It had never been that way with Brody before. She never pictured Finn when they were together the other times, but tonight was different. She couldn't stop thinking about Finn. She couldn't get the image of Finn's fallen face when he heard the words 'hotel room' out of her mind. She couldn't stop thinking about _how good he looked. _She hadn't seen him in a while and_ god he looked good._ No matter how hard she tried to push Finn out of her brain and focus on the here and now with Brody in their room, she just couldn't do it. Finally, she pushed away from him, telling him she needed to get some air. He seemed confused, unsure why she'd want to get air in the middle of them fooling around, but he let go of her and watched her walk toward the balcony of the room.

When she got outside, she let the cool night wind breeze through her hair and cool her down. She had to get Finn out of her head and she had to do it fast. She took a few deep breaths, her eyes closed, the wind blowing calmly past her. When she finally opened her eyes, feeling slightly better and thinking she'd just need to spend a few more minutes alone before going back inside, she looked down and saw Finn walking toward the hotel. He seemed lost and unaware of where he was going. She wasn't sure he had meant to wind up there, but regardless of his intention, he was there and she was staring at him. Any progress she had made several seconds ago was completely lost. He finally stopped walking and stood looking around at the hotel in front of him. She had no idea what he was doing. And then he looked up and he saw her.

Finn wasn't completely sure he was looking at Rachel when their eyes met. He thought he must be deluded or dreaming or something. There was no way that she could be standing on that balcony looking down at him. But after blinking violently a few times to make sure it wasn't fake, he realized that she must _actually _be standing there looking down at him. They held each other's gaze for longer than either could fully process. The entire situation was completely unexpected and they were both thrown off by the other's presence. Then Rachel sang two simple lines, quietly, but surely, and Finn was _sure_ he had heard right despite every fiber of his being telling him that this entire thing was a dream.

_I will love you_

_Until my dying day _

She smiled at him, tears in her eyes. He smiled back the adorable half-smile that was reserved for Rachel and Rachel alone. His throat felt tight and his heart was pounding. He wanted to run into the hotel and up the stairs and take her in his arms and keep her there forever. He almost acted on his impulses and did just that, but then he heard it- _his voice. _

"Babe, are you coming back in? Are you okay out there?"

She looked behind her toward the source of the voice and responded with a shaky "Y-yeah, yeah, I'm coming. I'll be right in." When she looked back down at Finn below her, he wasn't looking up at her anymore. She took a deep breath, swallowing the sob that had formed in her throat, and went back inside.

When Finn looked up again and saw that she was gone he went and sat on the marble stairs of the hotel, singing quietly and brokenly to himself. He was completely numb.

_**Why does my heart cry **_

_**Feelings I can't fight **_

He mumbled through the next few lines. He was crying but he hadn't even realized that he was until he felt the hot tears falling down his cheeks. He reached up and brushed them away violently, angry with himself that he was crying at all. But it was too late, he had started and he couldn't stop. The anger, the heartache, the loneliness, the frustration, the jealousy, every single emotion he could possibly feel was coursing through his body and he could do nothing to control it but hang his head in his hands and keep crying. After a few short minutes he took a deep breath, pulled himself together, and got up off of the stairs to walk back to the wedding hall and find his friends. As he reached the bottom of the stairs, he turned around to look back up to where Rachel had been standing a few short minutes ago.

_**Believe me when I say **_

_**I love you **_

Then he walked away from the hotel without a second glance back.


End file.
